Sex is one of the most fundamental ways humans can experience intimacy. It is one arena of life in which one can openly love, be tender, and feel. But because male sexual behavior is understood as dominant and often predatory, many men are afraid to talk about it.
When it comes to discourse on sex, men are often labeled as the problem. The male gender carries clear, unequivocal priviledge. But are we going to keep signaling to boys that they are the problem and hence need to sit this one out, or wake up to the complexities of this delicate experience and include them in making it better for everyone?
Young boys and men are in a tough spot today. On one hand, pornographic media is relentlessly distorting what they should seek and feel from sex, and on the other hand, since their sexual behavior is considered threatening, no one wants to hear what they have to say or ask about sex. It seems like there is simply no way left for men to talk about sexual pleasure without being conflated as a predator.
And then there is the age-old patriarchal notion that when it comes to sex, men are fundamentally wired to want it all the time. They should always be up for it and if they are not, there is something wrong with their masculinity.
There is a secret about the sex life of men, one that needs to be addressed openly: the current notions of sex have failed them, and they don't even have the courage to say, “I need help”.