Touch is one of the most elemental experiences of being human. It humanizes us and is core to building community. But adult men seem to have abandoned touch from their lives due to misinterpretation of masculinity. Part of growing up for a lot of boys is turning out to be an experience in renunciation of platonic touch and this has dastardly consequences for men.

Once upon a time, if a man stopped working, he lost his reason for living. That time is now. We have come so far on so many issues of gender roles and norms, but being a male is still largely about being in control, and work continues to be the leading way for men to assume control.

Much has been written on the negative effects of absent fathers on family life. Yes, that is critical but why is our literature silent on the larger group of stick around dads—the ones who are present at home, who chase the bedtime monsters away?

There is a special variant of male friendship that grows in rural or suburban India.

Patriarchy reigns supreme in rural India and boys grow up without much female companionship other than their caregivers and immediate family. Everything boys do outside the household, inevitably ends up taking place in all-boy groups.

When it comes to discourse on sex, men are often labeled as the problem. The male gender carries clear, unequivocal priviledge. But are we going to keep signaling to boys that they are the problem and hence need to sit this one out, or wake up to the complexities of this delicate experience and include them in making it better for everyone?

Cultural mores teach boys that to “be a man” is to always be in control. They are told that money offers that control and work is a way to acquire money. This narrative is stretched from adolescence to adulthood to such an extent that work becomes the primary mode of fulfillment for a lot of men. The idea of all-consuming work seduces men and quickly transcends to become their leading measure of self-esteem.

Millennial men and Gen-Z boys seem obsessed with Stoicism.

Many young men believe that Stoicism, defined as the ability to endure, to stay calm and rational in moments of crisis, is a crucial virtue that will help them unlock their eternal pursuit of power and wealth.

Boys are trained from the beginning to compete.

Media tropes convince us that to compete is human. But is it human to always compete? While competition can certainly drive us to do better and yada yada, I don’t think that we are race horses or that better performance is our end goal.

One of the tragic realities of living in a patriarchal system is not just the imposition of strict gender roles on men(and women), but also how it teaches us that affection is inherently unmasculine and boys don’t need it from their fathers.